20 września 2005, 00:32
i hate it when the summer ends..i hate a lot of things..isn't that bad or something ? also a lot of things piss me off..there are some days which are really nothing special - neither too boring nor too exciting - just plain. i know that nothing ever happens twice but surely a great deal of things are very alike. why do i even bother ? i know that i'm nothing special - i never was (and of course i always knew that). on one hand is it that imortant to be special ? and for whom i'd like to be special ? myself? my paretns? family? friends (oopss..too big word - there aren't a lot of them really..)? i feel that i'm in the exactly same place since secondary school..nothing more - nothing less..sure - i got older, perhaps my appearance changed a bit, i earn my own money but i feel just as confused in the state of mind as i was then. nobody will ever belive that i don't like myslef because i'm so nice,a little silly, always smiling - simply i look like a cheerful person. the truth is i feel so fucking confused that i'm even scared to bring that thought up! i feel like sleeping till everything sorts itself out but unfortunately it's not that easy. the thought that a guy could make me feel a bit better is even more depressing..and i don't mean the chance of finding one but the simplicity in "operating" me. "just put a coin in and the laughter and happiness will come to my face soon". fuck that's depressing..i don't like the winter.i don't like it to be cold.i don't like the inequitable ways in which life kicks us no matter in what position we are.i hate having little knowledge and little self-esteem to do sth with it. too small will to do anything. even stupid push-ups...fuck i'm sad and pathetic...the only solution for now is bed. sleep is good and healthy. but it doesn't change the fuckt that tomorrow after waking up a new day will rise and new frustrations will appear..
feeling worthless...
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic, don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damned life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice"
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic, don't you think
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
ps.i'm feeling bad so don't even dare to correct my mistakes.